A review a day

by Chris Brain

photo 3A list of some of the things that, in no particular order, have happened to me recently.

  • Lost my job (found that out tonight)
  • Had (another) nervous breakdown
  • Continuing to deal with “substance abuse” issues
  • Rode a bicycle about 850 kms around the South Island
  • Including a mountain pass
  • Walked my dog, Ruby
  • Made a complete drunken cunt of myself at a comedy show that was quite personally important to me

Many of these things are probably closely related.

Now that I have some more spare hours I’ve had to rack my brain for ways to soak up some of this time.  It’s a thing I learned in group therapy for people who have substance issues.  It’s an “intoxicants lose work for idle hands” kind of situation.

I’ve decided to write a review a day.  Something.  Anything.  Here is today’s:


I, whilst crafting this, have eaten an entire packet of HOMEBRAND VANILLA WAFERS.

photo 1


I did not mean to eat the entire packet.  A combination of some of the medications I’m on and my recent travails with the booze means my appetite has returned with a vengeance.  Like an old movie Sicilian vengeance.  A vendetta.

I was in bed trying to shrug off an anxiety attack by watching YouTube clips of people doing drum covers of TOOL songs and as the Xanax and hypnotic effect of said clips took hold I needed a snack.

I ate some dark chocolate.  Didn’t hit the spot.  Then I recalled the fresh packet of wafers in the cupboard.  I don’t really like wafers.  Never have.  Might be a little Catholic atheist rebellion in me.  Anyway, I was pretty certain one or two biscuits would suffice and then I could head off back to bed to toss and turn for 4 or 5 hours.

I flicked on the tele.  Comedy Central, as it happens.  In between each act who was on the Alternative Comedy Experience, I cruised back into the kitchen and picked up another couple of units of cookie.  At some point in any devouring of an entire packet of biscuits you know it’s coming.  There is a point of no return.  For me, tonight, it was as I retrieved the last 2 wafers.  Fuck it.  This shit is happening.

The Homebrand Vanilla Wafers were crisp, vanillary, not at all overly filling or sickening, which as it occurs to me now, is a pretty important part of the late night, pre-toss and turn, hope I sleep, snack.  One feature I found oddly appealing was how they stuck together, often in pairs, so I had the pleasure of being able to rent them in twain.  They did the job.

photo 46/10.  Would Recommend

p.s  about 15 minutes later I ate the lunch I’d prepared for work tomorrow, for the job I no longer have


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