It seems I take about two days to mentally process things. After the shitter of all birthdays where we had been at the clinic on Sunday morning being told that Kim had the cyst on one ovary and that this fucked everything up and so we should can the round then and there, we got into the elevator and I actually burst out laughing. Because in a million years I didn’t conceive that the scan could go *that* badly. Like, for reals? I thought worst case scenario we’d see not a lot of action and they’d alter the treatment plan to try and get it going again.
But nope. Good ol’ Cormacks found a way to shit out a round at this early stage. High five Kim! We rule!
We went on with our day and I was bummed out. Then Monday I was ok again but then come Tuesday and it was like I’d been punched in the brain with a big ol’ fist of melancholy. I was pretty miserable. And I don’t know how to do miserable terribly well.
Independently of my own misery, Kim had decided that we should take a holiday and had shortlisted it to three places, Queenstown/Invercargill, Japan, or LA/Vegas. Now no disrespect to Invercargill but you weren’t really in that race.
We thought about whether it was irresponsible to take what little money we did have and spend it on a holiday but then we also thought fuck it. We deserve something nice. When this process began way back when, we sat down to write all this out because we wanted to help others who were going through the same shit we were. We didn’t in a million years think that we would have disaster after disaster like we have. So now it’s time to help ourselves. And we need a mental health break. So we’re going to Disneyland. Because that’s the Happiest Place on the Goddamn Earth.
We are also going to go to Las Vegas because we got engaged in Vegas (outside the fake Eiffel Tower of the Paris casino)(because I’m a classy guy).
We also have a new treatment plan. Fucking yay.
Hilariously, to fix the cyst and to reset Kim’s ovaries she’s now on birth control pills. So having been walking into the pharmacy time and time again to get various drugs to aid in IVF etc, she had to walk in with a script for birth control. That shit is funny.
Also, the fertility doctor was writing everything out for us, and he said “So I”m going to put you on Combined Oral Contraceptive” and as he says this he writes “COC” and Kim, because she’s amazing says “You’re going to put me on cock? That hasn’t worked so far”.
Even our doctor said we had suffered more traumatic events than most patients do. So yay us? They offer free counseling there which is superb, and I think we’ll be taking them up on it. Because you can’t go on this jaded. It’s really really hard work. It’s tiring and depressing.
The new plan involves Kim getting even MORE injections. And she has a work trip to China coming up. And she’ll have to start those injections while she is in China. She has to take these injections in the morning NZ time which will involve getting up at 2am China time to do it. But she’ll do it. And she won’t complain. Well she might but she’ll be in China so it won’t be to me. But I doubt she will. Because she’s the toughest person I know.
I’m a bit worried that this thing is turning into a “woe is us” blog. That was never my intention. But as I say, I didn’t realise that we were going to end up tanking so many times. So that’s what’s happened. And you guys have been so wonderful. I was a bit nervous about saying we were going on a holiday because I worried what people would think about us spending money on that when we could be spending more on IVF so I put a tweet out to gauge response (I was going to delete that fucker so fast if it went bad) but I got nothing back but support. So thank you. You won’t appreciate how much it’s meant to me, but it’s been huge.
So that’s that, in 3 1/2 weeks time Kim and I will be in the United States. Trumpland. Wooh. Well the Trump part is shit. But I’m looking forward to Disneyland, and Vegas. And I don’t think I’ve had anything to really look forward to in a very long time.