Blogs were supposed to offer new hope for journalism. The days of the churnalists/repeaters/lamestream media were numbered, to be replaced by the purity and investigative depth of citizen-journalists. Sadly, the blogosphere hasn’t delivered on its initial promise. Instead, it delivers blinkered hyper-partisanship with a side of confirmation bias (he says, writing on a blog)[hey, dickbag, this blog is totally unblinkered – Lord Sutch].
In order to understand this phenomenon better, I decided to speak to a generic (invented) blog commenter about how he fills his days. This (imagined) partisan is both staunch in his beliefs (they’re almost always male) and prolific in his commentary. He (my fabricated subject) kindly agreed to keep a diary for one day…
Time to start my day. It would be nice to get a few more hours sleep after a late night arguing with idiots, but there’s work to be done. Fortunately, I can use my laptop from bed – meaning I can right wrongs while resting.
I start my day at [Kiwiblog/The Standard]. I like to get a taste for the stories of the day told by someone who’s not beholden to the [pinko-lefty/rabid right] media. It makes me so angry that the populace is being led like herds of sheep.
I’ve seen reference to a couple of articles in the Herald. Time to set those repeaters straight. I spent an hour or so commenting on the lead stories. I was particularly incensed by the way the Judith Collins visit to Oravida was treated. Judith Collins is the living incarnation of Margaret Thatcher. She [must be stopped before she destroys everything of value left in this country/should be applauded for her commitment to free markets and traditional values].
It’s about this time in the morning I realise that I need to eat something. Fortunately, I have a bar fridge stocked with [Monster Energy Drinks and Beef Jerky/Spirulina Smoothies and Organic Oatmeal bars] – No rest for the wicked!
Time to check twitter. In addition to my own profile, I run a hilarious political parody of [Chris Hipkins (Chipmunk Charlie)/Hekia Parata (Heckyeah Partier)]. I’m yet to tweet, but the inspiration is coming. It’s going to be a crackup! I’ll get so many likes from [@redbaiternz/@citizenbomber]!
Time to check in overseas. It’s important to keep an eye on the international sites. I like to pop into [Breitbart/DailyKos] to weigh in on the key issues. At the moment, I’m spending a lot of time talking about the gun debate. Unless you’re an imbecile, it’s absolutely clear – the US needs [more/fewer] guns. Without a change to gun policy, we’ll continue to see more and more dead Americans. There are so many idiots in the world!
Vindicated! Stupid [anti-freedom statists/gun-happy confederates] got told! I hate Trolls –trying to derail the conversation from the real issues. Best eat – need to keep the strength up for an afternoon on the internet, correcting people who are wrong. Fortunately, I’ve got some leftover [Steak/Tempeh], which will give me the protein I need.
I do love an election year. It’s my time to shine. I love showing those [Leftist Moonbats/Fascist Wingnuts] the error of their ways. It’s not like we can trust the media to educate the public – it’s gone to hell. Once, you could trust them to report the news without fear or favour. Now, they’re just mouthpieces for the [socialist chatterati/media oligarchy]. In the past, I wrote letters to the editor of the Herald, The Dominion Post, the Press, Capital Voice… Now I just comment on websites. It’s so much quicker and far more effective. I can share the truth with everyone.
I just finished a marathon debate on Stuff.co.nz. I don’t understand how people can be so deluded about climate change. It’s obviously a [United Nations conspiracy to restrict our freedoms and introduce one world government/the biggest threat to our way of life]. I can’t believe there’s even a debate about it. Why are people so determined to lie?
This will have to be the last entry for the day – I just saw my twitter feed. Apparently Brooke Sabin has just got Kim DotCom to admit to owning a signed copy of Mein Kampf. He’s clearly learned a lot from Paddy Gower. I need to get the word out that this is [the worst thing in the world – DotCom is clearly a monster/a cynical distraction by John Key and his pet blogger Cameron Slater]. I may be some time…