New Zealand’s tourist department used to attract all kinds of people to our shores. Nowadays they seem to target cashed up cruiseshippers, LOTRers and
winos wine connoisseurs. Yawwwwn.
So for this installment of Bring it Back, I say let’s bring back interesting tourists. People so strange and wonderful we crane our necks with intrigue and disbelief.
Were you kidnapped in the 1980s and forced to live in New Zealand’s remote wilderness? Are you looking for a way out of your dire situation? Write now or send smoke signals for a free booklet with free tricks and tips for escaping your captor!
Are you a wealthy American yuppie looking to cash in your trust fund? Visit New Zealand today, charter a yacht and embark on a cocaine-fueled tour of our beautiful waters!
Marriage on the rocks? Looking for new ways to ignore and resent each other? Book a cruise on the Milford Sound, where yelping seals will surely drown out the repulsive noises coming from your hideous spouse!
Do you love trout? Have you been accused of being a trout? Sign up today for the “Judith ‘I’m not a trout’ Collins Fishing Adventure”!
Oompa Loompa, do-ba-dee-doo,
I’ve got the perfect answer for you.
Oompa Loompa, do-ba-dee-dee,
If you are wise you’ll listen to me.
What do you get when your skin is just white?
Boring and pale, like a ghost in the night.
Where can you go to turn your skin orange?
Nothing rhymes with oraaange.
I knew that that would happen.
Oompa Loompa do-ba-dee-da,
Get on a plane and go to Rotorua.
Swim in sulphur, you’ll turn a nice hue,
Like the oompa loompa do-ba-dee-doo.