How’s yer nation?

by Lord Sutch
In future I request that all State of the Nation speeches are delivered by this guy

In future I request that all State of the Nation speeches are delivered by this guy

So we’ve had three states of the nation in the last week. Three. And really they weren’t states of the nation were they?

“How’s your nation?”

“Why it’s fine thank you, how’s yours?”

“Also in good shape.”

That’s a state of the nation. What we got was ELECTION YEAR BRIBES! Wooh! What do you want? MOAR MONEY! When do you want it? LABOUR!

And John Key wants to give you more teachers. We love teachers! But hang on last year they wanted to give us fewer teachers. Oh politics you are so tricksy.

And the Greens, what do they want? They want to turn schools into community hubs. So that more than education is going on there.

What we can gleam from this is that focus groups have told MPs that education is the hot button topic this year. Which will be interesting, because this is traditionally a Labour stronghold. When it’s law and order, the Nats get all chest-out and full of bluster because they’re fucking good at locking people up and not giving a damn. But education? That’s a different kettle of fish. Especially when the current National Minister for education has to be just about the least competent senior minister I can recall. Hekia, you did well with energy and resources, and I’m sure a number of the oil and gas companies would have you back but christ almighty you are terrible with the education portfolio. I’m actually getting dumber while you’re there.

So to the election year bribes then. Labour’s major plank was that if you spawn you get an extra $60 a week to look after the little rugrat. Almost immediately those on the right went “oh great, now poor people will start breeding so they get more money.” I’m pretty sure that they see it this way:

Have baby
Get paid $60 per week
Raise child on less than $60 per week
PROFIT!!!

Except when you factor in, you know, costs, and time, I don’t think raising a child on $60 a week is actually that easy. Especially when those poor people are no doubt 2 pack a day smokers and have a pokie habit to maintain, as we are constantly told by right wingers. So how dare they be trusted with more money? That’s not how it should be is it? No, the state should control how the money is spent.

So National, being the statists that they are have decided that the money will go to teachers, because they don’t trust you to spend your money in the right places. So they’ll bloody well spend it for you. On professional teachers. Because until now teachers have been shit. So National is going to fix that. By corporatising schools. Which is consistent with their ideology, except for the part where they’re spending your money for you.

And Labour wants to give you more control of your money.

And people are arguing against this from either side.

So what the fuck is going on? We used to have a clear-cut system where Left was right and Right was wrong. But now Right is left and left is confused.

So can someone please explain this to me?

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Katherine Stewart January 28, 2014 - 8:09 am

I think the National incentive to teaching is packaged up to look like repairs and improvements to the system but is in fact corporatising (is that a word even) of the profession. Everything John does is to do with increasing competition. The changes he suggests have the potential to divide the teaching profession which has by and large stuck together (union) so it’s very National in that respect as a policy. Rant, rave etc.

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